Each year I contemplate what I would like to change in my life. I resolve to do this, or not do that. I have a deep conviction that by changing these few things, I will be a healthier, happier Me. Each year my resolve wanes as the tasks become tedious, or my desire for things I gave up becomes overwhelmingly strong.
The last few years I have made similar grandiose resolutions.
Many people do not share this bad habit and will not understand the addictive nature of my vise, or the difficulty in overcoming it.
I will give up watching television.
I will invest the time I spend watching television in reading and writing instead.
Television strips the power of imagination and contemplation from me. It entertains, occasionally, but really; it is a time thief. It takes the time I give it, giving me nothing in return. I am not rested, motivated or strengthened. I am ticking off minutes and hours of my life investing in vapor.
The thought, however, of getting off the couch after a long day at work, and doing something productive, has no appeal. I am held hostage by the repetitive choices that have become who I am.
I am not contemplating life-mystery, behavior, or meaning. I am not concerned about bettering myself or connecting with those who share my small space in time.
I have my few minutes of devotional time each morning, and then plow through the rest of the moments given to me each day as I please.
RESOLUTION: I will give up watching TV. CHALLENGE: I challenge myself to read and write instead.
Passage of time… Much time passes… Weeks pass… Maybe a month passes… Six weeks pass… A few more days pass… A few more hours pass… Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of seconds pass……
Where is that remote?
Well, this challenge went much like every other resolution I have ever made. Diet. Exercise. Writing. It all goes well for a few weeks. Maybe a few months… never longer. The cares of life crowd in… laundry, chores, bills, and work; and with tiredness and short days, weariness creeps in stealing motivation and thought. It is so much easier to numb stress with redundant TV reruns…Mind-drugs; as highly addictive as pain meds and strangely, as difficult from which to wean oneself.
This is no longer a resolution. It is not even a self-challenge. It is, instead a strong desire to use the time I am given productively. I am aware that rest is a mandate, and is an important part of living a healthy life.
I am attempting, however, to change how I define rest. I want to experience a thought-provoking life. I want meditative rest; to reflect, create, or enjoy the many things I have been given. I do not want the song in my heart or head, to be a song created by a marketing team, used to sell their products in a sixty-second commercial.
Television is not my enemy. The inability to control it in my life is what I must guard against. While it may occasionally be restful to watch a movie or to tune in to a favorite show, it is often nothing more than mind-numbing room noise.
With this realization, I will resume my attempt to write more consistently. I would like to share my thoughts with others who also share this fragment of time we have on this earth.
I no longer believe that my writing will have continuity, but I choose to resist the thought-less life.
