(I have written a similar blog, but this is a bit different, as the days after her accident have become years.)
I had a profound revelation today concerning my mom. She lives in Regents Park, an upscale assisted living complex.
Her memory is from day to day. She is my ‘50 First Dates’ mom. (See the cute movie if you don’t understand the reference.)
She rarely remembers what happened yesterday.
The accident that took my dad’s life in the summer of 2018, left my mom in a state of mental limbo. Her brain injury precipitated a dementia that is both cruel and merciful.
She remembers us (for now). Thankfully.
She, however, has no memory of what happened yesterday. On good days that is what you get; my mom, who has no memory of yesterday.
On bad days she works in a twenty minute loop. “I love your sweater.” Nineteen minutes pass, “I love your sweater!” Nineteen more minutes until she again voices her love for my sweater.
It used to drive me nuts.
Frustrated by her continual loop, I’d try to divert the conversation so that I wouldn’t have to hear of her profound love for my maroon sweater.
Then? I accepted it.
My mom was doing what she does best. She was kind. She was complimenting me. She showed her love and let me know she was happy that I (in my maroon sweater) was visiting.
I cannot change the situation in which we find ourselves. I CAN change the way I react to it.
This is my profound revelation.
She is not in control of her memory; of what she does or does not know.
She is not in control of remembering what she has or has not already voiced.
I AM in control of loving her, no matter what. I am in control of making her feel warm and accepted. I can accept her compliment (every time she gives it) with appreciation and grace.
I can show her that I love her and that I am thankful for her kind words and the time we share.
I am thankful for my maroon sweater.
More?
I am thankful for This Mom.
