I was unprepared for the emotions that slapped me yesterday.
My family was celebrating Easter Sunday. It should have been a day of awe at the incredible gift of the resurrection of Jesus… but, instead, my unresolved grief had me in a rotten mood.
It has been three months since my mother’s death. I assumed that the rolling grief that cycles through my bitty-brain had temporarily run its course.
I had so much to do, after all.
Preparing for a holiday is a bit daunting for an unorganized introvert. I was not graced with the natural ability to host that my mother had. She made everything look so easy. Most likely, it was easy for her.
Slapped, shocked and unprepared, that was me; on my first holiday dinner without her.
My mom had not hosted a family celebration for almost seven years, but she was always there.
I made sure we had family recipes and a few of her favorite dishes to make her happy. It was important to me that she was there. She was still with us, as we celebrated.
There was one thing I never made. The daunting thing I never even attempted to make: ‘Mimi’s Rolls.’
The recipe, written in her beautiful cursive writing, is in the family binder that she gave us all for Christmas one year. I have an older copy of the recipe written on an index card. It looks so easy.
It is not.
I grew up eating these rolls at every holiday. In fact, a holiday wasn’t complete without what she called ‘Good Rolls.’
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Rolling grief.
Unprepared.
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I was also unprepared for the strangest and most beautiful surprise at our Easter gathering. A family member secretly and perfectly made my mom’s rolls.
When she walked in with ‘Mimi’s Good Rolls’ I was shocked. I can’t think of one thing that could have made me happier.
This sounds silly, but it was like having a piece of my mom with me on that stressful, emotional day.
It was a beautiful gift.
I was unprepared. I was unprepared for exactly what I needed.
Thank you, my Dear Tiffany for bringing my mom’s hug to me on my very difficult day.
